I Built My Sukkah Upside Down!

When you purchase a sukkah in Israel it's supposed to be a lifetime investment. The so-called sukkah l'netzach is easily constructed and then stored away after the holiday for future use. How is it, then, that I've gone through four or five of the contraptions over the years?

The first "ever-lasting" sukkah I bought was nothing more than a set of irrigation pipes. The end of each pipe had to be screwed onto the next pipe's connecting threads with the help of a monkey wrench. This sukkah swayed dangerously in the slightest breeze. After one or two holidays, the end of the pipes broke off, effectively shortening its shelf life.

Into the Mindset of a Suicide Bomber

It begins with a suicide bombing. An explosion in a restaurant in central Tel Aviv. At least 17 people are dead, including a group of teenage girls celebrating at a birthday party. Ambulances race to Ichilov Hospital, where doctors and nurses labor around the clock to save as many lives as possible. One of the surgeons is an Israeli Arab citizen, Dr. Amin Jaafari, who has been trying to contact his wife, due to return to the city from a visit to her grandmother in Nazareth.

After endless hours in the wards, Amin returns to his home in an affluent neighborhood only to be woken hours later by police knocking at his door. He is called back to the hospital to identify the body of one of the victims. In the morgue he sees the remains of his wife. The police tell him that the extensive wounds she suffered are due to the fact that she was the suicide bomber who detonated in the restaurant.

Kill Me Now, a Book Review

It's easy to fill in the missing location - Israel - but this tale of a middle-aged man's dating misadventures is universal.

The first thing I noticed when reading Kill Me Now! by Lawrence Fisher was that the location of the story was never mentioned. The author, who lives in Tel Aviv, doesn't state that his maneuvers on the dating battleground take place in his hometown, but this is easily deduced as the story couldn't take place anywhere else.

"My book is all about dating in Israel and my hilarious escapes and escapades," Lawrence told me, but he never states this openly in his book.

No More Shana Tova Cards in the Mail

How can you decorate your sukkah with Shana Tova greetings received by phone and email?

My mobile phone buzzed to announce an incoming text message. “To all the residents of the Mate Yehuda Regional Council: The coming year should be a year of health and success, prosperity, peace, security, and…”

The message was cut off, but then my phone buzzed again as I received the second part. “Always at your service,” the message concluded, listing the head of the council in the signature.

My Dinosaur Era Mobile Phone

The other day I attended a company meeting and watched a laptop presentation projected on a large white screen at the front of the room. When discussion turned to a video about the product, a video that was hosted on YouTube, we tried to access the Internet via the company’s wireless setup. Unfortunately, the connection was very slow and we all sat for several minutes while the content buffered on the screen.

“Wait, I have it on my phone,” the person next to me stated, and indeed, the video was being broadcast faster on his smartphone than it was through the wireless connection.

Bulgarian Cheese Is Made in Israel

I saw a commercial on television the other day depicting some well-known food products and linking them on a map to their countries of origin. One of those items was Bulgarian Cheese and it was displayed against the map and flag of Bulgaria.

Wait a minute, I thought. There is no Bulgarian Cheese in Bulgaria! That’s just another urban legend, created by the mad men of Israeli marketing.

 

Having lived and worked in Bulgaria for two years, I can state as a fact that there are only two kinds of local cheese sold in Bulgarian supermarkets. All hard yellow cheese is called Kashkaval, and all blocks of white cheese are somewhat similar to Feta.

Why I Left iUniverse

I published The Virtual Kibbutz, my collection of short stories about life on the kibbutz, with iUniverse in April, 2003. At the time, iUniverse appeared to be the most professional publishing-on-demand option for my book. I paid my fees, received a number of free copies, and purchased many more to send off to Jewish publications with hopes that reviews would encourage future sales.

This week at my request The Virtual Kibbutz was removed from the iUniverse book catalog. It is still possible to order the one or two remaining copies at Amazon and other online retailers, but soon the original edition will become a collector’s item.

I plan to republish The Virtual Kibbutz independently in the coming months. For now, here is the reason why I left iUniverse.

Tunnels to Jerusalem

Tweet

A few years from now the new high speed train to Jerusalem will make its speedy way to the capital on a route not far from my home. I will never see the train as it passes because it will be traveling through a tunnel under the mountain ridge on the other side of Nahal Yitla, the picturesque valley that runs to the north of Moshav Neve Ilan. 

I recently hiked through this valley, almost reaching a controversial railroad bridge that nearly destroyed the mini-canyon, considered the deepest and most impressive in the Jerusalem Hills, but I hadn't ever managed to see the bridge or the rail tunnels until now.